Slightly more than even less of a blank home page than it was last time it wasn't a blank home page

(Aren't you glad you came back?)*

Hi, I'm still Matthew Garrett. This is my website. As before it will tell you absolutely nothing about me*, but now it does so a little less verbosely. You should probably be grateful for this, or something.

If you want to know anything about me, visit the About Matthew page and then come and find me and ask me instead*.

If you failed to understand any of the preceeding paragraph, please don't attempt to enter into any sort of communication with me. I'll just be irritated with you to an entirely ludicrous degree, and you'll end up with something like this. Because I care, dammit*.

There was a paragraph here, but I got bored of the bit of it that I was responsible for and the "compare and contrast" example that formed the other bit has been taken down by its original author which might (thinking optimistically) be due to him realising that it was horrible and wrong and stuff but is probably due to him accidently deleting it like a fool or something*.

Somebody else's collection of links to people that I know, saving me large amounts of effort: links* (actually working again now, after being broken for 8 months. Thanks, me)

Utterly pointless timewasting device: fortune*

It should be noted that Matthew is often very annoyed with every living thing on the planet, because he cares too much and you all seem intent on proving how unbelievably stupid you all are. As a result, you can now get live updates on how angry Matthew is from here*

Interested in fairies? See here

I do other things and have other interests. As hinted at above, come and find me if you're actually interested in finding out what they are. Anything else that I'm working on that's potentially useful will be linked to from relevant places as opposed to here. Now go away and stop bothering me. I have enough disturbing stalkers as it is*. If you've identified a skill that I have and are interested in hiring me, please see my rates for work.

If you want to email me confidentially and alert the government that you're up to something while simultaneously implicating me, my GPG fingerprint is here. You should note that I do not run this server, and so the fingerprint has probably been replaced by The Man. My key is here - similar provisos apply. I am none of the other Matthew Garretts you may find there.

If you are a hyper-paranoid conspiracy theory loon, on the other hand, please go away.

Matthew Garrett